Sunday, December 18, 2005

Good bye dear friend...

So I remember everything and that is never more obvious than with my clothing. I can tell you were any piece of my wardrobe was bought, what I paid for it, who was with me, even things like what I was wearing when I went in to try on that piece of clothing. I also can tell you everything I pair with it and how often I wear it.
This week I am saying good bye to a pair of jeans that I have loved to death ~I don’t think I can honestly convey to you how much I will miss these jeans, they have been very important to me and I know I will never have another pair just like them, it doesn’t happen, clothing has a life of its own, the experiences you have in it the places it goes with you, these are all things that put a huge imprint on clothing that can’t duplicated. I purchased these jeans at a point in my life when things were going very badly. I had decided that New York was not going to work out for me and that I was going to have to return back to Utah, I felt like a complete failure. So before I left the east coast I decided to make one last trip down to D.C. to hang out with my friends down there.
I was visiting with Karen and we decided to go to the Leesburg outlets because we loved to outlet shop and we could use my Pottery Barn discount up there at the Williams Sonoma outlet as well as the Pottery Barn outlet. Let me tell you we put that discount to good use that weekend and I don’t regret a single purchase not even one. Anyways while we were up there we visited the Gap outlet I never miss an opportunity to try on jeans at the Gap. I have worn gap jeans exclusively since I was 13 until last month ~but that’s a different story. So Karen and I went into the Gap to try on jeans. I don’t think I can even begin to tell you in words how much it meant to me to find a pair of jeans that worked so well for me as that pair of medium wash lowrise bootcut jeans meant to me that day, they were exactly what I needed at that time in my life. They have been my favorite jeans ever since, and I have faithful worn them since then too. Originally they were long enough that I could wear them with heals and that was a favorite look of mine with them. I love the look of a good clean white tee with long lean jeans and a pair of heals where it seams like white tennies would be more appropriate. With Gap jeans though they tend to shrink in length quite a bit as they get washed, that is why I like to buy them in the fall and then by the summer they are the prefect length to wear with my flip flops.
The only time that I was really sad with these jeans was last December, I had gained too much weight when I moved to Las Vegas and they were no longer quite the look and feel I was going for, but it was short lived. I started to walk that winter and well by March I couldn’t have asked for a better fit. I wore them almost every day in the early spring until I found another pair of Gap jeans in late April. All through the summer those jeans were properly rotated in my wardrobe and well they got a lot of use this fall as the weather turned a little cool and I was working at the Corn Wagon with its casual dress code. This fall the jeans also started to give out on me ~it happens I have huge thighs, I always have, all of my jeans get worn out in the thighs first. I didn’t mind so much at the beginning, sooner than later I had to do some reinforcement stitching but who notices on the thighs, then a couple of weeks later a little more and well most of the time when I pull them out the wash I would just give them a little more stitching love. Last week they gave up on me ~or I gave up on them. I was wearing them and it had been a little longer between washing than it should have been and well when I jumped into my car that evening they tore apart. They were no longer worn they were torn. I have spent the last week thinking about what to do with those jeans, should I just sew up the ever larger wear spots, or should I just admit that they have had there time in my life and they really need to be let go.
I know this will sound crazy to some of you but letting go of something that at one time was so right and so important to you feels wrong like a huge betrayal but at the same time, it could never be what it should be ~what it could be ~what it once ones. Somehow trying to repair those jeans and make them work one more time seams more like betrayal of what they once were to me than just letting them go. I am not going to pretend that I think I am going to be better off without them or that I can buy a new pair that will work just as well or at this point better (they will have an inseam.) I plan on being very sad about this for the next little while, loosing these jeans will be very much like the loss of a friend for me, a friend that always tried to be there for me, a friend that was willing to go through the humiliation of repair work with me ~I know those jeans would have stood by be for the rest of my life if I would just stick with them. That’s why I have let them go, I have to be the one that sees it is time to have closure and move on.
Those jeans are now going to go into my old jeans collection and one day hope for a life where they will be recycled into a fun ground cover blanket where they can be loved again in a new way, maybe by someone who was lucky enough to get such a gift and maybe I will be the lucky one that finds a new way to love an old friend, a love that isn’t as hard as it is right now.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Please mind the gap...

Alright kids ~I do not have time to write so I am going to take a little holiday break ~I promise I will write and tell you all of my adventures of the holidays as soon as they are over. Right now however I am going mad trying to finish all of the projects I have started for the holiday. I some how thought it would be fun to make all of my Christmas gifts for this year, and if I had started in July I really do think it would have been a good idea ~just now I kind of want to go into some sort of sewing coma. I am starting to have flashbacks to when I was an undergraduate and would sew until 3am and then sleep in the sewing lab for a couple of hours because I was afraid to walk home across campus at that time of the night but when I would wake up around 5am I would go home and get a couple of hours of good sleep before heading back to class. Between work and my Christmas gift giving sewing with a little baking is all I am doing these days. In an effort though to help anyone out who needs a quick Christmas gift idea here is the pie recipe that I made last night to give to a couple of my friends. I originally got this recipe from Tatum and well we made it so often that first year we lived together we would sometimes forget the crust and whip cream topping and just called it French Moose~

French Silk Pie

½ cup Butter
¾ cup Sugar
1 pkg Chocobake
1 tsp Vanilla
2 Eggs

Cream butter and sugar until fluffy; add chocobake, and vanilla mix until incorporated. Add one egg and beat for five minutes, add second egg and beat for five more minutes. Pour into Oreo crumb crust and top with fresh whipped cream, freeze overnight and serve huge slices that Mom always complains are far to large for such a rich pie ~you should watch me put it down.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Best word ever!

Adore~

Main Entry: adore Pronunciation: &-'dOr, -'dor
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): adored; ador·ing
Etymology: Middle English adouren, from Middle French adorer, from Latin adorare, from ad- + orare to speak, pray
1 : to worship or honor as a deity or as divine
2 : to regard with loving admiration and devotion (adored his daughter)
3 : to be extremely fond of (adores pecan pie)

The second definition of it is my favorite ~oh how I long to be adored.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I am grateful for...

1. Red Puffy Vests
2. Diet Coke
3. Hot Showers
4. Embroidery
5. Howler Babies

When I was in college Tate saw an episode of Oprah where she talked about gratitude journals and so the two of us started to keep them. I still have that original journal it is in my college correspondence box. Everyday I would write five things I was grateful for, Diet Coke often toped the list, as did the color red. So the other night while I was saying my evening prayers I thought back on that journal ~I was trying in my prayer to come up with what exactly I was thankful for when so many things in my life are not exactly what I would have them be. I didn’t pray for Diet Coke or the color red. So it made me question why the things I so often include in my prayers that I am thankful for never made my gratitude list and why I never prayed for the things on my gratitude list. What is the difference between gratitude and thankfulness, is there a difference should I include Diet Coke in my prayers should my talents be put on my gratitude list because they always make my prayers. I know I am blessed, I just wish I could have everything I wanted.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Little Women

The other night while working on a project I decided to watch Little Women. I love this movie around the holidays; it was a tradition that came about when I lived in Virginia. Chipsy, always watched the movie with her roommates when they strung popcorn and cranberries for the tree and so when she was my roommate I got to watch the movie with her. I miss D.C. most at the holidays. I loved the 10' tree we would put up. It was an adventure to get to the tree farm, to get everyone to choose a tree and then to get a 10' tree up two flights of stairs and set up in general. I was in charge of vacuuming and the tree stand because I was the only one patient enough for either one of those activities. Jen was always in charge of the lights, no small feet seeing how we had around 3000 on it one year. And yes all of us would string popcorn and watch little women the night the tree was put up with Chipsy being in charge of that.
So the other night while I watched that movie all I could do was cry because I had no 10' tree to deal with and I wasn't in Virginia running around a tree farm and it made me horribly sad.