Sunday, December 18, 2005

Good bye dear friend...

So I remember everything and that is never more obvious than with my clothing. I can tell you were any piece of my wardrobe was bought, what I paid for it, who was with me, even things like what I was wearing when I went in to try on that piece of clothing. I also can tell you everything I pair with it and how often I wear it.
This week I am saying good bye to a pair of jeans that I have loved to death ~I don’t think I can honestly convey to you how much I will miss these jeans, they have been very important to me and I know I will never have another pair just like them, it doesn’t happen, clothing has a life of its own, the experiences you have in it the places it goes with you, these are all things that put a huge imprint on clothing that can’t duplicated. I purchased these jeans at a point in my life when things were going very badly. I had decided that New York was not going to work out for me and that I was going to have to return back to Utah, I felt like a complete failure. So before I left the east coast I decided to make one last trip down to D.C. to hang out with my friends down there.
I was visiting with Karen and we decided to go to the Leesburg outlets because we loved to outlet shop and we could use my Pottery Barn discount up there at the Williams Sonoma outlet as well as the Pottery Barn outlet. Let me tell you we put that discount to good use that weekend and I don’t regret a single purchase not even one. Anyways while we were up there we visited the Gap outlet I never miss an opportunity to try on jeans at the Gap. I have worn gap jeans exclusively since I was 13 until last month ~but that’s a different story. So Karen and I went into the Gap to try on jeans. I don’t think I can even begin to tell you in words how much it meant to me to find a pair of jeans that worked so well for me as that pair of medium wash lowrise bootcut jeans meant to me that day, they were exactly what I needed at that time in my life. They have been my favorite jeans ever since, and I have faithful worn them since then too. Originally they were long enough that I could wear them with heals and that was a favorite look of mine with them. I love the look of a good clean white tee with long lean jeans and a pair of heals where it seams like white tennies would be more appropriate. With Gap jeans though they tend to shrink in length quite a bit as they get washed, that is why I like to buy them in the fall and then by the summer they are the prefect length to wear with my flip flops.
The only time that I was really sad with these jeans was last December, I had gained too much weight when I moved to Las Vegas and they were no longer quite the look and feel I was going for, but it was short lived. I started to walk that winter and well by March I couldn’t have asked for a better fit. I wore them almost every day in the early spring until I found another pair of Gap jeans in late April. All through the summer those jeans were properly rotated in my wardrobe and well they got a lot of use this fall as the weather turned a little cool and I was working at the Corn Wagon with its casual dress code. This fall the jeans also started to give out on me ~it happens I have huge thighs, I always have, all of my jeans get worn out in the thighs first. I didn’t mind so much at the beginning, sooner than later I had to do some reinforcement stitching but who notices on the thighs, then a couple of weeks later a little more and well most of the time when I pull them out the wash I would just give them a little more stitching love. Last week they gave up on me ~or I gave up on them. I was wearing them and it had been a little longer between washing than it should have been and well when I jumped into my car that evening they tore apart. They were no longer worn they were torn. I have spent the last week thinking about what to do with those jeans, should I just sew up the ever larger wear spots, or should I just admit that they have had there time in my life and they really need to be let go.
I know this will sound crazy to some of you but letting go of something that at one time was so right and so important to you feels wrong like a huge betrayal but at the same time, it could never be what it should be ~what it could be ~what it once ones. Somehow trying to repair those jeans and make them work one more time seams more like betrayal of what they once were to me than just letting them go. I am not going to pretend that I think I am going to be better off without them or that I can buy a new pair that will work just as well or at this point better (they will have an inseam.) I plan on being very sad about this for the next little while, loosing these jeans will be very much like the loss of a friend for me, a friend that always tried to be there for me, a friend that was willing to go through the humiliation of repair work with me ~I know those jeans would have stood by be for the rest of my life if I would just stick with them. That’s why I have let them go, I have to be the one that sees it is time to have closure and move on.
Those jeans are now going to go into my old jeans collection and one day hope for a life where they will be recycled into a fun ground cover blanket where they can be loved again in a new way, maybe by someone who was lucky enough to get such a gift and maybe I will be the lucky one that finds a new way to love an old friend, a love that isn’t as hard as it is right now.

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